I'm not talking about the November 5th ones either. No, I am talking about people who burn their garden refuse (and sometimes other things) in their garden. It's just so antisocial and inconsiderate.

Today I thought I would take the opportunity to do some jobs around my garden as it was a pleasant day following all the rain we have had recently. No sooner had I started, I was wreathed in bonfire smoke bellowing from a neighbour's garden. I carried on for an hour before giving up due to the nauseous stench I was having to endure.  Having had to curtail my work I decided to take whatever garden refuse I had created to the tip at Devizes. That's right, I disposed of it in an environmentally friendly way (except for the petrol burnt driving!) and without inconveniencing my neighbours. I didn't burn it and create grime on their recently cleaned windows, or ruin their washing hanging on the line, or force them to scurry indoors and shut all their windows. On my return from the tip my wife gave me a good news/bad news situation. Taking the good news first I was relived to hear that the bonfire which had ruined my afternoon had stopped. The bad news? You guessed it, another one from another neighbour had started. What is it with these people? Can't they at least coordinate their filthy bonfires to be at the same time? Perhaps it's to avoid a bonfire inferiority complex, "Oh no, their bonfire is bigger, smellier and more intrusive than ours".

During the hot spell of June/July I kept a diary of bonfires. Around where I live there are seven (that's right seven) bonfire enthusiasts. Over a 30 day period there were 17 days when at least one bonfire affected us. Just over one day in two was blighted my somebody burning something nearby. Everytime we had to evacuate the garden (one time whilst in the middle of an al fresco meal), close all the windows and suffer sitting in greenhouse conditions as the temperature in our house went higher and higher (perhaps that's what they mean by the greenhouse effect). One time after a particularly smoggy evening we left the windows in the bedrooms open overnight to let in some cool air to make sleeping a realistic proposition. When we woke up at 5am to find the house filled with bonfire fumes, we realised that some people burn stuff all hours of the day and night.

Sometimes I go and talk to a person who's lit a bonfire, to inform them of their selfish antisocial behaviour and to remind them that there are tips to recycle the stuff or even a green wheelie bin collection service. One woman informed me that burning her garden rubbish was "the most environmentally friendly way of disposing of it". I cannot think of another more environmentally damaging method (unless you count trying to dissolve it in radioactive waste). Sometimes I ask why the bonfire is situated so close to my garden and as far from their own as possible. Normally I get an incredulous look  and told that obviously they don't want the smoke to pollute their own property!

Now that KDC have started the wheelie bin collection scheme and no doubt will implement a "pay as you throw away" as soon as the law allows, I can only see the future for Marlborough is to be a town forever swathed in noxious clouds, looking like something out of a Dickens novel. Has anybody noticed that a well placed bonfire with a still wind can affect the whole valley?

I spoke to KDC about the problem. If I wanted to report a persistent offender then they would follow it up. When I explained that individually each person was not a massive problem but collectively they were making our lives a nightmare I was told there wasn't much that could be done. Perhaps KDC (or Marlborough Town Council) should be making Marlborough a smoke free zone. Certainly it would help reduce people burning their wheelie bin overspill. Trying to prove somebody lights more than a reasonable number of bonfires is much harder than establishing if somebody actually had a bonfire at all.

I don't know if anybody has any comments (or indeed reached this far) but I would be grateful for them or indeed suggestions.

P.S. Don't know if this poll thing works but I thought I would give it a go.